So, I was trying to think back to the time when I realised
that I was fat. I’ve always been on the chubby side, and it’s not something my
parents were ever ashamed about, or made me aware of. That I can remember,
anyway. I mean, my Dad is chubby. I remember liking the roundness of his
stomach as a child. That it wasn't wobbly, but a good solid round belly, and my mum
has always been slim. I've never remember as a child being taught that one was
better than the other, or that I should strive to be one or the other.
And I was thinking about my arms. I know a lot of women
have issue with their arms. I never have. I've never felt the need to cover up
my arms, or be ashamed of them. I don’t really know why, I just never have. (My
knees, now that’s another story, until recently I would never ever ever wear a
hem line above the knee).
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| My Mum, not being offended by my arms. |
Then I remembered something else. When I was younger,
I got some new clothes, and among them was this awesome purple mesh camo top,
and a purple velvet skirt. The skirt was short, and tight, but it fit me. And
the top, well that was see through. I would wear them together with my purple
velvet doc martins. The skirt showed my knees, and it was tight across my bum
and hips, and the shirt showed my stomach, but I was never aware that this was
wrong. That I shouldn't wear this skirt being fat. That I should cover these
things up. My mum never told me I shouldn't wear these things. She told me when
something looked good, or when something looked bad, but she never told me I couldn't or shouldn't wear something because I was too fat to wear it. She loved this outfit
on me, and encouraged me to wear it a lot. So I did. I was none the wiser. I wasn't aware that I was getting stared at because I was fat. I thought people
were jealous of my awesome purple outfit.
 |
| Here they are again! |
So, when I think about being ashamed of my fat, or when I
became aware I was fat, and this was unacceptable, I must have brought this on
myself. My parents never really did. My parents are amazingly wonderful people,
who support and encourage me in whatever I decide to do (seriously, my folks
are the bomb). So when I decided I was fat, and needed to correct this, they
fully supported me. Not because they thought I was right, but because that’s
what I wanted. Once I decided I wanted to do a 20km walk for Walk Against Want.
My parents never said ‘no, you can’t do that because you’re too fat’. My dad
came and did it with me (also, my Dad has tirelessly tried every single diet program with me. What a champ). And yeah, it took us all day, and we stopped a lot,
but we walked every single kilometer of those 20. All my fat shame came from ‘friends’ and from
the bombardment of tiny models, and fat shaming weight loss propaganda. It came
from being a teenager and wanting to shop in the shops my friends shopped in,
and then not fitting in to their clothing. I realise now that I’m not to blame
for not fitting in to their clothes, the shops suck for not making enough
sizes.
 |
| Here they are at the zoo |
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| Here they are at my best friends wedding, and I'm eating a cheeseburger |
I've tried all the diets. All of them. And they suck. I hate
them. Every single diet I've tried, I've successfully lost weight. And every
single time I've regained the weight within a year. If weightloss programs really
worked, they’d probably be broke, because they wouldn't have any repeat
business. They want you to fail, so you keep giving them your money. I’m
genetically meant to be fat. That’s just that. I can try whatever I want, I’ll
still end up fat. It’s mentally draining, it’s physically draining, and it
creates a cycle of gaining and losing, that has got to be bad for you. So, I’m
the body shape I’m meant to be. And I’m happy. I’m healthy. I’m fat.
And now, now that I've learnt about fat acceptance, and body
acceptance, my parents are right there with me. Supporting me, and loving me.
Just the other day, my mum sent me an article about fat acceptance that she
found. The same goes for my best friend. She has always been right there with
me in my choices, as I have with her, that’s what best friends do. And my
amazing prince. He has been a huge influence in my path to self acceptance. He
tells me every day how beautiful I am, and how much he loves me. And I believe
him every single time. And I feel so unbelievably lucky to have him in my life.
 |
| My gorgeous boy |
Plus, I've got all these rad tattoos on my arms, and who wants to cover those up?
